Film Review

Well, it's that time of year again. Time to write something else.

Er... I went to the pictures the other day. The film was called No Country for Old Men.They weren't going to let me in at first because I am an old man, but I managed to persuade them that it was just the title, not an audience restriction.


The cinema was full and we all sat silent and obedient while they bombarded us with adverts. The film consisted of two hours of people killing each other in a very violent manner. The seats were very uncomfortable and I found it difficult to get to sleep.

I thought some of the acting was superb, especially the dead people; you could hardly see them move at all. Although there was one guy holding a sign saying "Hallo,Mum!", which I thought was a bit unprofessional.

You'd never see Sir Laurence Olivier doing that. Though I do once recall dear old Larry getting in a birthday greeting to his cousin during the final speech of King Lear.

Er, that's it. I still haven't got my camera repaired. I have to take it to a shop in An Obscure Quarter of town, then the part will take five weeks to arrive as it has to come from Portugal - by donkey presumably. They want me to pay them too.

If you have something better to do with your life, I strongly recommend that you get on with it.

Sorry I've nowt to offer but a link to another radio show - but it's a good 'un.

On The Hour is a spoof news programme. I was amazed to find that it was first broadcast in 1991. 17 years ago!! Seems like only yesterday. What's gone wrong with time? Why is it disappearing so fast? Is it a plot by calendar manufacturers just to sell more products?

Anyway, this is on Radio 7, which I don't quite understand. You have to scroll down to 11:30 pm and click Listen Again. There is an interview with someone before On The Hour comes on, so bear with it.


On The Hour

Lots of references to long gone British politicians: John Major, Douglas Hurd, etc., but many things still topical. Very funny though. Give it a click, folks.

By the way, I've been to the doctor's to ask why this blog isn't very interesting. He fell asleep while I was talking to him, so I just tiptoed out of the surgery without getting an answer. I did steal some of his pens though.

Amusing Radio Programmes

These radio programmes are funny. You'll have to be quick though - they're only on for a week.


Count Arthur Strong

Humph in Wonderland

I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue

Christmas Crackers

Merry Winterval

Here's a selection of cracker jokes -


On which side do chickens have the most feathers?

The outside.




What's white and goes up?

A confused snowflake.





What do you call a penguin in the Sahara.

Lost.




What sort of vegetables do plumbers fix?

Leeks.





What is black and white and noisy?

A zebra with a drum kit.




What's wrapped in grease-proof paper and swings from bell ropes?

The Lunchpack of Notre Dame.




I'll get my coat.

This Bloggerooni would like to wish a Happy Christmas to both its readers.

Something Funny

This video clip is quite funny.

Armando Ianucci

Warning: contains swearing, mild garage work and moderate peril.

Henry's Hot Five

Henry's Hot Five play at the Chelsea in Easton every Tuesday.

Cringe

I went camping last week, but during the night three guy ropes broke and the canvas started letting in water. I think it must have been a portent.

There's a new show on telly about footballers' wives and girlfriends who get involved with the occult. It's a sort of wags to witches story.

I might landscape my garden so that it's on different levels. On second thoughts, it will only end in tiers.

Deconstructing the Durotriges. Changing my Trousers.

The police have been around again, warning me to write something or face legal action. So here goes -

What I did tonight.

I've been a member of the local archaeology group for a few years, but I've never been to any of their talks.

This month the talk was "Deconstructing the Durotriges".
The Durotriges were (maybe) a tribe living in pre-Roman southern Britain in the area near present-day Dorchester. A skeleton of one of their number (maybe), dug up in the 1930's, lies in Dorchester museum with a Roman ballista still lodged in his spine. I've never deconstructed Durotriges before, so I thought I'd give it a go.

The talk was in St Matthew's church, a building I can see on a hilltop a couple of miles away. How to get there? I would have gone by bike, but it was a dark, rainy night and my bike was showing early symptoms of a puncture. So catch the bus then.

Arriving on the main road,expecting a long wait, pleasantly surprised by a bus appearing after five minutes.
Great. I get on OK, but someone behind me gets into an argument with the driver about something. Lots of shouting, swearing. The driver turns the engine off. Lots of other passengers get involved. The police arrive. Ten minutes later the situation is resolved and we get under way.

Up the hill to Kingsdown. Posh, old area. Cobbled alleys, just big enough for a cart - or a car nowadays.
Thirty greyheads in the church hall to hear about people who lived nearly two thousand years ago. Laptop and Power Point presentation. I sit near the front, cos I'm deaf, but still can't hear too good.

The lecturer has done a PhD on looking for the Durotriges and he wonders if they really existed in the way that everyone assumes they did. They were mentioned by Ptolemy in about 150 AD, though he never came this way himself. No other written reference to them until, in the 19th cent, two stones were unearthed on Hadrian's Wall bearing their name. Either they were conscripted or volunteered to go north and help build the wall.

The lecturer wanted to look for a common culture around that time that could be identified as being "Durotrigian".
He looked at the archaeological record of about half a dozen areas around Dorset to find common themes in pottery, patterns of settlement, coinage, etc., but it doesn't seem that there were any; each area had its own distinctive style.

Around Poole, the harbour was flourishing, lots of industry including the pottery that became widespread over a large area. A more civilised place - no hill forts. Around Maiden Castle, wilder, hill fort country. South Somerset is interesting. At Ham Hill there is evidence of a big battle with the Romans. The pottery disappears for a generation at the time of Boudicca. Perhaps the people of that area supported her revolt in the east and got wiped out for it. The coins of that area are remarkable. The designs are abstract and seem very modern.

Then nine o'clock came and we all left.

I went to catch the bus back home. One turned up after about five minutes.
I got on and sat in the front seat - ugh! It was all wet. My trousers were wet.

I told the driver, a young Polish guy with very little English. "There was a drunk man sit there."

How lovely. No wonder people don't use public transport.

The end.
Will this do?

Celtic Coin Index

Ducks

If it wasn't for ducks, ponds would be full of bread crumbs.

Can You Write Something?

Can you write something for this blog?

I can't think of anything to say. Also camera broke.

You can write something using the Comment facility.

Please Note: It doesn't have to be funny or interesting.

Radio Fun

That Mitchell and Webb Sound

Very funny comedy programme.
You have to listen before November 8th or it will be gone - there'll be another one though.

Sunset on a clear, cold day

The Deserted Factory

Out walking, came upon a deserted factory
in the middle of nowhere.

A huge site, completely empty.
What did it make? Why was it there, miles from anywhere?

I don't know.






Nobody scotches the trailers anymore.




Climbing back through the fence,
a wild boar grunted nearby.

Forest of Dean Sculpture Trail

The Forest of Dean Sculpture Trail
is mostly trees and sculptures and
stuff.

Link to something funny

Attention Scum

Attention Scum2

Attention Scum3





May take a while to download. Best to watch while the world sleeps.

Barton Hill Mosaic

Here are details from a mosaic on the railway bridge
at Barton Hill








This one reminds me - it's Celebrating Age Day
at the Council House, Bristol on Saturday October 27th.

Be there or be . . . well, be young, I suppose.

The Marrow

Ladies and Gentlemen - The Marrow.

Not very amusing, I'm afraid.
I did ask for an amusing marrow, but this one was all they had left.

Here Come the Lobsters!

At last, my lobsters have arrived!

50 centimetres long and made entirely of genuine Chinese plastic, they were ordered electronically and delivered to my house by a Polish lady in a car - just like in the song*


I've tried to keep it quiet, but news soon spreads and by yesterday evening there was pandemonium as the entire population of the parish poured onto the streets to join in the celebrations.

Church bells were ringing and fireworks exploding as people sang and danced with unbridled joy.

In fact, it got so frenzied at one point that the guards had to fire several volleys of shots into the crowd, just to calm things down a bit.

But they were back again at daybreak and as I write I can hear their chants of "Show us yer lobsters! Show us yer lobsters!"

I can't bear to let them down and I will be making another appearance on the balcony quite soon.


*" ...and she brings you plastic lobsters that came all the way from China"
from Suzanne by Leonard Cohen, 1964.

Hand

In case you were wondering what I had in my hand - it's a stone that I found on the beach.

Art in Jamaica Street

These pictures were painted on hoardings in
Jamaica Street.













The one below wasn't in Jamaica Street.

It was a vision that appeared to me as I did the
washing up.

I thought I'd share it with all you internet chaps.




... and who's he?