Railings

Can you imagine a world without railings? I can't and I've been trying really hard for days now.
Railings stop us from running into busy roads or falling from high places. They keep wild animals in zoos and stop people escaping from parks.
In short, modern life would be very different without our friends in the railing world.

But how many of us ever think about railings? Very few, I suspect.
That's why railings are often referred to as "Mother Nature's Hidden Miracle."
Well, now there's a chance to change all that.

Monday August 3rd 2009 is
RAILING OBSERVATION DAY

This is part of

RAILING AWARENESS FORTNIGHT
(AUGUST 2nd to AUGUST 15TH)
What we're asking you to do is to take a bit of time out from your busy schedule to sit and stare at some railings of your own choice. Even if you can only spare a few hours it will all help.
After you've finished staring, why not make a painting or write a poem about your experience?
Send your efforts to the usual address:
SB444,
The Internet,
LONDON
SW1 1AA

The winner will receive their own private set of railings.

Good Luck!

Railing fact #1: Railings were first invented by the ancient Egyptians to stop people climbing on the pyramids


Railing fact #2: In a recent poll amongst railing painters, 87.982% said their favourite colour was grey.



Railing fact #3:If you took all the railings in the world and placed them on top of each other, it would equal an area six times the size of Wales. Or, to put it another way, over 170,000 double-decker buses or a quarter of a million full-sized football pitches.

NOTE:The above fact is for illustration purposes only. Please don't put all the railings in the world on top of each other - it will only cause trouble.

Butterfly

Butterfly spotted in the garden. I think it's a Painted Lady.

Apparently they are migrants. Some years they get to every part of Britain. Lots have been seen this spring, so it may be a very good year for them.

It's Raining Bin Men

Sorry I haven't put anything on here for so long. There's been a terrible bin strike in Bristol and, according to the rules of Blogspot, I wasn't allowed to write anything during the crisis. Something to do with Health and Safety, I suspect.

After weeks of partial strikes, the bin men were due to go on full time strike from next week.
However, they've agreed to something or other and yesterday they called it all off.

As soon as the news broke the streets were awash with dustmen ( and dustwomen too,).
In fact , I saw so many that I suspect that some of them were not real dustmen, but impostors who get their kicks from impersonating genuine waste disposal operatives.

Not everybody was keen to go back to work and I heard that fights had broken out at one of the meetings. Dustman on dustman violence is something that I thought I'd never see during my lifetime, but Lo! It has come to pass! So that's quite good then.

Many people didn't like the bin strike but to a keen rubbish spotter like myself it gave a rare opportunity to look at piles of domestic waste.

Here are some of the results of my observations:






It's a lot of rubbish, eh?

Drainserve

Drainserve, O Drainserve

You're so yellow, green and blue

A drain clearance operatives' yard

By the M32





If I had a blocked up drain
I know what I would do
I'd be picking up the telephone to make a call to you



You offer a 24 hour service
That much I know is true
It seems quite long to clear a drain
but I suppose that's up to you



With your sturdy fence and barbed wire rolls
You're stronger than a fort
And you'd certainly cause any passing burglar
To have a second thought

O Drainserve
You make my brain swerve
You touch a raw nerve
In the field of drain clearance you're ahead of the curve
As you stand so brightly painted by the M32

Pete Taylor has died

The crop circle painted on the side of Pete's house


Well-known local environmental activist, Pete Taylor, died last Monday. It's thought that his emphysema or asthma, that he'd suffered with for a long time, was the cause of death.

Pete didn't fit the stereotype of an environmental campaigner; with his wizened features and strong Devonshire accent, he seemed a bit like a pirate. In fact, he did spend many years in the merchant navy, though I don't think he engaged in piracy; I wouldn't put it past him though.

In the 90s he started off the "Switch Off" campaign against idling motor engines. This campaign was taken up by Bristol city council and other councils around the country.

Pete blamed traffic pollution for his chest condition, though he did smoke as well which couldn't have helped.
I saw him in the week before he died and he was telling me that a neighbour of his who didn't smoke used to get asthma attacks at the same time as him, which coincided with periods of high pollution.

Pete was very outspoken and opinionated and not afraid to offend anyone. This didn't endear him to everybody of course, but it did achieve results in his campaigning.

One of his greatest achievements, in my opinion, was getting Greenbank Road and Robertson Road closed to motor traffic. I know there were others involved, but I suspect that Pete was a leading figure. The closing of these roads has made a great improvement to the quality of life in Greenbank and I doubt that many people would want to go back to how it was.

So farewell then, Pete. I hope there aren't any cars in Heaven and that they'll let you smoke outside the gates.

Other local tributes: http://greenlung.blogspot.com/2009/05/pete-taylor.html

http://bristolcars.blogspot.com/2009/05/pete-taylor.html

Photo of Pete and Cat on a food stall at the bottom of the M32.

Goodnight Irene

Eastville Park lake


In Eastville Park there's a very active open air debating society that meets every morning to drink industrial-strength cider and declaim on issues of the day in loud and forthright tones.

On Wednesday I was passing and, in a change to the usual programme, they were engaged in community singing and were giving out a full-blooded rendition of the Leadbelly song Goodnight Irene, that gladdened the hearts of all those passing by.

It's a funny thing, but Eastville Park is on the banks of the river Frome and the other side of the river used to be the home of Bristol Rovers football club. They've since moved up the hill, but the supporters' anthem was (and probably still is) Goodnight Irene.

So that song has long been sung on the banks of the river Frome.

Does that mean anything? I don't know.

Does the river remember? Probably not.
As far as I'm aware, rivers don't have memories, but who knows?

Goodnight Irene - Wikipedia entry

Goodnight Irene - sung by Bristol Rovers fans

Goodnight Irene - by Leadbelly

Another silly joke

I met a man who had suffered an industrial accident that left him unable to pronounce words beginning with 'th' or 'f'.

He'd been awarded half a million pounds in compensation.

I said: "You can't say fairer than that then, can you?"*




* a laborious, step-by-step explanation of this joke is available for Australian readers.

Silly Joke

Last night I dreamt I was the author of Lord of the Rings.

I must have been Tolkien in my sleep.

Rhubarb and Marmite

As you may have noticed, I haven't had very much to write about lately, so I thought I'd tell you about what I've been eating - rhubarb and marmite.

Not together of course (that would be illegal), but enough to ramble on for a few paragraphs.


I've eaten so much rhubarb lately that it's started coming out of my eyes. People think I'm crying until they lick the "tears" off the ground and find that it's rhubarb juice.

I've been trying to find out some interesting facts about rhubarb but it seems a bit humdrum. There are over 60 varieties of rhubarb, including a medicinal rhubarb, Rheum officinale, and varieties that make you grow very tall or shrink.

Rhubarb is indigenous to Asia and apparently grows in profusion along the banks of the Volga river. Where's the Volga? Well, I looked it up. It's in Russia (I did know that already) and flows through the cities of Gorki, Volgograd (formerly Stalingrad) until it reaches the Caspian Sea at Astrakhan. It's the longest river in Europe, although it seems to come out in Asia, which is probably cheating a bit.

And so to Marmite. Marmite is a black sticky substance made out of tar that's left over from road making. It's quite popular in the UK. Is it sold anywhere else? I don't know.

People either love it or hate it or are quite indifferent to it or refuse to answer Marmite-related questions.

It's sold in jars ranging from the smallest size (0.3grams), that you can hardly see to the gigantic 7 tonne version. But lately they've brought out a new-fangled squeezy jar. I gave it a try, thinking no harm would come of it, but how wrong I was.

The trouble is it's only squeezy till the container is half empty. Then you just can't get the Marmite out. You have to take the top off and it all gets very messy.

Last Wednesday I was rushed to hospital, covered in Marmite and in a confused and distressed state. It took the hospital staff several hours to eat all the Marmite off me.

The doctor said I should try to eat more sensibly in future.

Bird Poo and Lime Flowers

People are always asking me why I don't include more photos of
bird poo and lime flowers on this blog.

Well, it's not that easy. While it's not too much of a problem persuading birds to poo, lime flowers just won't fall off the trees till they're ready, no matter how much you shout at them (believe me I've tried).

But at long last I've managed to capture some, so here you are.

Enjoy!

Spring

It's spring!! I thought I'd better let you know.
I've been out taking photos of it.




Here's some blossom.




And here's a daisy.








I've been stalking butterflies in the local graveyard.
There's nothing wrong with that. It's better than going
around vandalising telephone boxes.

I think these two are of the same species. One male,
the other female. I think the male is the showier looking one.
But they're both very pretty.








Update: No they're not the same species. One is a Comma, and the other a Peacock.

Mistletoe

Mistletoe is a parasitic plant that grows in trees. I've only ever seen it growing in the south west of England where it is very widespread. It's easy to see in the winter when the trees are bare.

In the UK mistletoe is sold at Christmas and people kiss under it. Or at least they do at the moment. The practice is due to be banned in 2010 under Health and Safety rules - and about time too.

Mistletoe was supposed to have been venerated by the druids, a priestly caste who lived in pre-Roman Britain. They may have thought it sacred because it fruits in mid-winter and never touches the ground. I've heard they cut it with a golden sickle and caught it in sheets.
I don't know how people know this because, as far as I know, the druids were all killed by the Romans in A.D. 61. They left no written records themselves and what we know of them is from Roman sources.

The Romans didn't like the druids and were determined to wipe them out. They pursued them to the Ynys Mon (Angelsey) where they massacred them and destroyed their sacred groves.
A.D. 61 was an eventful year because the revolt of the Iceni in East Anglia also kicked off then. They were led by Boudicca (a.k.a Boaedicea), the Queen of the Iceni who had been very badly treated by the Romans.

The rebels attacked and burnt down Camulodunum (modern Colchester), a Roman garrison town, still an army town to this day, Londinium (modern London) and Verulamium (St. Albans), committing terrible atrocities - according to Roman writers anyway.
They certainly did burn down St. Albans. Apparently you can still find a black layer of ash if you dig into the soil there.

After doing all that, the rebels headed north-west to confront Suetonius Paulinus, the Roman general who was busy slaughtering the druids.

The Romans were vastly outnumbered by the Britons. They sent for help to Caerleon (a garrison town in south Wales where many Roman ruins still remain), but help never came. In desperation they formed themselves into a "testudo", a tortoise formation where their shields covered their heads and fought themselves out. Once they had secured victory they didn't show any mercy and went about killing anyone who had fought against them. Archaeologists can find no trace of life in East Anglia for many years after that, which suggests wholesale ethnic cleansing.

People still call themselves druids today and meet at Stonehenge on the solstice. Among them is Bill Roach, who plays Ken Barlow in Coronation Street, a very long-running British soap opera. Ken Barlow appeared in the first episode in Nineteen Sixty something and has been in it ever since.

About ten years ago he successfully sued a newspaper that had called him boring, so I'd just like to say that I find him very interesting.

I took these photos on Ashton Court estate on the outskirts of Bristol. Here are some more photos from there.




These trees are riddled with mistletoe.






Sunset and bare trees. Photo-wise you can't go wrong.



Long Ashton parish church in the fading light.



That's all folks!

In Your Dreams

Pinched from http://xkcd.com/202/

If sleep wasn't so normal it would be really weird.
And dreams even stranger.

I think we have rich and complex dream lives but just can't remember most of it.
Perhaps that's what dreaming is - living without memory. And without a body, to keep us out of trouble.
I'm interested in dream locations. Some are familiar from "real life", some familiar in dreams and some seem completely new.

I've had flying dreams when I've hung around in trees and that. It's all right if you like that sort of thing. Better than falling dreams, I suppose.

You have to be careful of falling in dreams. It's not fatal, but it is deadly and can be lethal.

Still, as they've recently proved at the CERN laboratory in Switzerland: It's a Funny Old World, Innit, Eh? EH? ? ??

Snow!

Some snow has come. It's snow-tastic!


This is a good snowman.



The cemetery looked good.



Eastville Park lake was frozen.




Well, most of it.



Give us food.



The End.

Easton Community Centre Art

Lost Moon

I've lost the moon, the counting thing and links to other sites. If you see them please let me know.

Rhyming Slang #2

Oh dear. I suppose I'm legally obliged to do this, so here goes...


Rhyming slang is supposed to have originated in the east end of London. It consists of rhyming a word with a well-known phrase or the name of a famous person or something.

This often gets shortened so the slang word bears little relationship to the original.

It's used in the UK by people who want to colour their language up in a "street-wise" way or be generally tiresome.

Mostly it's self-concious and affected speech, but some words do become common currency and their rhyming origins are forgotten. Examples I can think of are "porkies" (pork pies = lies) and another one that I can't remember.

They seem to survive better when they provide useful euphemisms such as "half inch" = pinch or "tea leaf" = thief.

If you are in the medical profession and you're thinking of practising in the east end then you may find the following guide useful.

Medical Rhyming Slang

Her Majesty the Queen = spleen

Night at the Roxy = Munchausen's Syndrome by Proxy

Cheshire cheese = water on the knees

Maiden aunt = Heart transplant

Cock a doodle doo = bird flu

and so on.

Happy New Year.

Or should I say Nappy Blue Ear. No, maybe not.





Postscript.

Since I wrote the above piece I've been deluged by requests from people working in particle physics in the east end of London asking if I can provide a guide for them. So here goes -

Vital spark = quark

Big hairy spider = large Hadron collider

Tweedledee and Tweedledum = Space/time continuum*

Useless article = Higgs Boson particle

Put yer coat on = photon

Mad Hatter = dark matter


I hope this list is of some use.

*This rhyming slang was very difficult to discover and was only found by firing Cockneys at each other at velocities approaching the speed of light.

Cockney Rhyming Slang




Hallo Chums!

Here's a bit of holiday diversion: The Cockney Alphabet as seen on the above website.

This isn't the same as rhyming slang - I'll write about that at the end.

It's a spoof alphabet that uses the initial letter plus the word "for" to make a well-known phrase, or at least try to.

I've removed some alternatives



The Cockney Alphabet


A for Horses
(Hay for horses)

B for Mutton
(Beef or mutton)

C for Miles
(See for miles)

D for Kate (or D fer Ential)
(Defecate or deferential)

E for Brick

( = 'eave a brick = heave a brick)

F for Lump (or F fer Vescence)

(Efferlump [creature in Winnie the Pooh?]
or Effervescence [Blimey! That's a bit William Tell = Hard to spell])

G for Police (or G for Get It)
( Gee for Police = chief of police??)

H for Consent
( = age for consent??)


I for Novello (or I for the Engine)

( = Ivor Novello or Ivor the Engine. That's a good one)

J for Nice Time (or J for Oranges)

( Jafor nice time = Did you have a nice time? and Jaffa oranges)

K for Restaurant

( = Kay for restaurant = caff or restaurant)

L for Leather

('Ell for leather = Hell for leather [go very fast]

M for Cream (or M for Sis)

( = Enva Cream - type of sherry) or emphasis

N for Lope
(envelope)

O for the Wings of a Dove (O for the Rainbow)

Song title or over the rainbow

P for Relief

( pee for relief?? No comprende)

Q for the Loos

Queue for the loos (toilets)

R for Mo

( = arfer mo = half a moment)

S for you, you can take a hike

( = as for you ...)

T for Gums (or T for Two)

Teeth or gums or tea for Two (song title)

U for Me (or U for Mism - thanks Andrew W Llewellyn)

You for me (line from above song) or euphemism

V for Espana

Viva Espana - well known song from the 70s when Spanish tourism became popular.

W for a Quid (or W for the Winnings)

( = I'll double you [double the bet] for a quid [pound].

X for Breakfast

= Eggs for breakfast

Y for Mistress

= Wife or mistress

Zee for Moiles (or Z for Wind)

See for miles (we've already had this one, plus it means using the American pronunciation of Z - so not good) Zephyr Wind - that's better.


Golly, that was a bit Edmund Burke (hard work)!

I was going to write some more, but it will have to wait till another Harry Lime (time).

Blue Lights

It's Christmas again - I wish they'd tell you it was coming so it didn't catch you by surprise every time. Perhaps the shops could help by displaying Christmas merchandise or something.

Many houses have decorative lights in the windows or gardens - I thought they were going to put a stop to all that; but no, they haven't of course.
Bloody politicians, they never keep their promises.

The strange thing is that so many lights are either blue or white this year. Very cold LED lights. Christmas lights used to be red, orange and yellow to reflect the cheery glow of an open fire to brighten the bleak wintertime. So why have they all turned blue?

Does it reflect a shift in our conciousness? Have our brains all turned digital from messing about with computers and mobile phones and so on? I never use them myself but a lot of people do, including some prominent politicians and media people*.

Please send me a postcard with your answer. There'll be a £10 book token for the first correct entry selected.

I would have put some pictures of these blue lights here but a) they're not very nice and b) it's cold and dark outside and I don't want to go out.

* and a retired fishmonger of my acquaintance.

Cabot Circus

A journey to Bristol's new shopping centre - alone, on foot and without a native guide.




A couple of weeks ago I set off on a mission to visit Bristol's newest shopping centre - Cabot Circus.

To get there, I followed the course of the river Frome - one of Bristol's oldest rivers.
In fact, there's only two - the Frome and the Avon and it's at their confluence that someone built a castle and that's why Bristol is where it is.

Frome means "fast running" in Anglo-Saxon and at one time the river used to provide power to at least five mills along its course. At Baptist Mills (now Junction 3 of the M32) Abraham Darby set up a brass mill using the power of the river. He eventually moved to Ironbridge, Staffs and was a key figure in starting the industrial revolution.

While our ancestors saw the river as a source of free energy, we see it as a nuisance and have covered it in concrete with a motorway. Along its margins is an urban wasteland. Not very attractive, but a good place for putting up posters like those shown.




This advertises bands such as Skiplicker and Filthy Habits ( a NunPunk band?). There used to be a band in Bristol called Maggotslayer, which I think is the best band name I've heard.


Witty graffiti. In case you don't know, these are the two robots out of Star Wars.




The river Frome makes a brief appearance. Giant Hogweed grows here. Boys use the stems as blowpipes and then die when the sap makes their throats swell up. Kingfishers have also been seen here, as have crack dealers.


At last! The inspiring sight of Cabot Circus itself.




I went through the car park. Lots of pretty lights.

They still seem to be working on it.

Good views from the roof. This is St Judes, a very poor area five minutes
walk from a shop selling T shirts for £150.



The parking bays are pretty.



A Bounty bar costs 70p!!!




Here's the shopping centre itself. I wanted to take some interesting photos, but
the whole place is just too dull.

They say that Cabot Circus isn't a shopping centre but a "retail destination". They've created shopping streets in the area around it, but they're not streets in the sense that you and I understand the term. You can't ride a bike or walk a dog in them; you certainly can't busk or preach or beg or sell the Big Issue. They've (reluctantly?) left the Quaker Meeting house there.
A couple of weeks ago the Quakers organised a meeting between the Cabot Circus bosses and the local residents to discuss the impact of the centre on people living nearby. One of the Quakers stood outside the hall giving out leaflets advertising the event. Or at least he did until the security guards confiscated them.
So there you are, a little totalitarian state right in the heart of Bristol.

One little tip I learnt there: if you get lost, put your ear to the ground and listen carefully for a few minutes - security will soon come and escort you out of the complex.