Bootlace Review

We review bootlaces so you don't have to...



These bootlaces came in an attractive yellow packaging. The advertised price is 89p, though you may be able to negotiate a reduction if you can demonstrate excessive anger or distress.
Don't overdo it though, or you may be banned from the shop.

Inside the clear plastic covering, the bootlaces were kept together by a paper band. On one side of this band is the word 'Solace'. I think this is a joke.

Upon opening the packet, I found the laces to be in first class condition and of adequate length. In fact, they were too long; I realised that I wanted laces for shoes not boots.
After pondering the problem for a long time and consulting with various experts, I devised a way of reducing the length of the excess lace by tying them twice, thereby minimising the trip-risk factor.

Taking a walk in my newly-laced footware, I found the laces excellent at keeping my shoes on my feet. I only fell on my face once during the walk and that was due to excessive alcohol consumption rather than lace tripping.

In every other respect they performed well. They didn't catch fire or turn into giant snakes and try to eat me, and I don't think most people even noticed that I had new laces in my shoes.

During the war, we often had to use our bootlaces to garotte sentries at ammunition bases that we were going to blow up. Unfortunately, current UK legislation prohibits me from testing their effectiveness for this purpose. The laces don't look particularly strong though, so my advice is to double them up if you're using them for assassinations.

All in all, these were a perfectly adequate pair of bootlaces and I would certainly consider buying another pair if they'll let me back in the shop.








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Right - The laces on each shoe should not be connected to each other.



Wrong - going out like this is asking for trouble.



Remember the Three Shoes Rule - if you find
that you're having to wear more than three shoes
on a regular basis, then seek medical advice.




All pictures posed by models

This is the Dawning of the Age of Aquariums

"IIIII've been thinking about getting an aquarium,
so homeless fish can come and live with me,
and IIIIIII'd make sure that I took good care ee um,
and fed them all quite regularly*"

"*but taking care not to overfeed .

A verse from that timeless classic "I'm Going Back to Selling Harmoniums"




I've got an aquarium. Containing: FISH

Yes, I've been given an aquarium. It came from a man who is going to America.
In these days of heightened security, you're no longer allowed to take aquariums on planes, so he gave it to me.

It contains the fish shown above, plus three little fishies and one other fish that looks like a small eel and lives on the bottom. I must find out how to look after them, but they look happy enough at present. Though I'm not quite sure how to tell if a fish looks happy.

They say that a goldfish never forgets, but to be honest, they don't have an awful lot to remember in their daily lives, do they? No shopping lists or anything. Or if they did it would be fairly short - fishfood. That's it.

Motorhead sponsor Greenbank football team

Motorhead sponsor Greenbank football team

but it's Greenbank, Lincs.

A Taxi Driver writes...

'Ere, I had that DJ Derekin the back of the cab last night. He was off to do a gig at the Blue Mountain (which isn't a mountain, it's a night club). He stood at the front and chatted to some of the girls going to town - "I bet I'm the only DJ who goes to gigs using his OAP Bus Pass!"

They asked him where his records were and he tapped a little shoulder bag -"All on minidisk now"

The Framley Examiner

The Framley Examiner

Cranes

There's more and more concrete and steel rising in the Broadmead development.
The cranes will soon be gone.





Reflection in the glass Spectrum building.



Cranes overshadowing St Paul's church.

By the way, I was right about what they're building; it is going to be shops. Or rather a shop. I was talking to one of the workmen and he told me that they were building the largest shoe shop in the world, with a sales floor measured in square miles. Unfortunately they are only going to sell left shoes and not complete pairs. I don't know why that is, maybe so as not to offend one legged people. I don't know. It's political correctness gone mad if you ask me.

Halloween

camera shake



Crop Circles




Gratitude Road. with flash, and without below.

Robertson Road

From the top of Robertson Road.
It looks steeper than it is


A few of the houses have stone heads above the doors.












At the bottom of the road is Kebele, an anarchist collective.
They've been there about ten years now


Graffiti on Kebele's wall. I like the cartoon below.
It shows a cat drawing a picture of a cat kicking a dog,
blissfully unaware of the heavy-looking dogs approaching.


They're not great fans of the U.S.



Some window decorations


The view from Robertson Road towards the cemetery.
You could almost be in the countryside.

Sorry.
I got knocked down by a lorry and I've been in a coma for some time.

I'm feeling a lot better now though; I was able to crouch under the sink for several hours today.

So here's an update:
Haircut. I have had one haircut.
Hedgehogs. One hedgehog.
Graffiti. A work team cleaned all the graffiti in the alley. It's gone.
Ramadan has ended. Monday for Kurdish people and Tuesday for Pakistan. I saw the new moon tonight in a clear sky.
Golf. I've still never played golf and don't intend to.
Ben Nevis. Never been there. I hear it's the highest mountain in Britain.
Corkscrews. I've got two. But one is falling apart.
The cat killed a frog.
Here's a link to a slightly amusing video.

Mivart Art

Here are photos from the Mivart Street Exhibition.

Above: Shelly's Flag made mostly of found material.

Below: Flag detail


Someone made a bike out of a carpet.



The view from one of the windows - photoshopped a bit

Brandon Hill

I think this building is the Pro-Cathedral; by Pro-Cathedral Lane. It's gone to rack and ruin.

There used to be a nice cafe there, run by the Steiner people with the Steiner school next door.

It's all smashed up and overgrown by ivy now - looks dramatic though.





This is a grand building on the side of Brandon Hill. I think it is a school, the QEH.

What does that stand for - Queen Elizabeth House?

There's the QEH Theatre next door.







Brandon Hill is a great open area near the city centre and at the back of Park Street. It's a steep hill topped by the Cabot Tower, a Victorian memorial commemorating John Cabot's 1497 voyage to America from Bristol.

The tower wasn't open. It's a hard climb and a bit scary, so I didn't mind too much.

Ben Tillett

Ben Tillett Time Sign

Over the last decade, a group called Living Easton has been erecting Time Signs to commemorate people who have lived or worked in the area. These include Dr.W.G Grace, the famous Victorian cricketer, who had a practice on Stapleton Road, Ernest Bevan, Labour Party stalwart and this chap, Ben Tillett. Here is what it says on his plaque:

" Opposite this site, which was once John Street, is the birthplace of BenTillett, a tireless and determined defender of Workers' Rights, who led and fought for the "Docker's Tanner" during the great Dockers
strike of 1889.

As General Secretary of the then, Wharf, Riverside and General Workers Union, he played a leading role during the early 20's in the subsequent formation of the Transport and General Workers Union.

Ben went on to be a Labour Member of Parliament; an Alderman of London County Council and President of the Trades Union Council in 1929."

I attended the unveiling of this plaque (in the year 2000, I think) by Bill Morris, the then head of the TGWU. It was absolutely pouring with rain, but there was a good crowd.

The plaque is sited behind the Queen's Head pub, Easton Road, at the junction of Bannerman Road and Comb Factory Lane.

For more info on Ben Tillett, check out the Living Easton Website

PS. I've just been looking at the above website and it turns out that Ben Tillett's Dad worked as a "cart polisher" and in a comb factory - presumably the one in Comb Factory Lane.

St Mark's Church

St Mark's church and details of the gargoyles.

Galaxies

Galaxies are amazing things, high above our heads.

This is a French one.


In Reykjavik,Iceland they turned off all the streets lights for half an hour last week, so people could look at the stars.

Mivart Street

Mivart Street is the site of an old Victorian factory that has been put to many uses over the years. At one time they made bi-planes there.

Now it houses artists' workshops and every year they hold an exhibition. This year it promises to be bigger and better than ever. They've brought in a proper curator and increased the number of music and performance events.

To get there you can use the 585/586 buses (Bellevue road stop) or it's a short walk from Stapleton Road (buses 4,24, 48,49 - Job Centre stop, first one after railway bridge), or use the Severn Beach line (Stapleton Road stop).

For more details, check out Mivart Artists. The event takes place on the weekend of 14-15 October from 11am till 5pm each day.

Here are some photos that I took of last year's event.


View from the building. You can see St.Mark's Church tower in the background. The top photo shows part of the building, and where I'm standing is about the same size, so it's a fairly large area.


I think these are plaster casts of people's belly buttons. If you want to try this yourself, always get people's permission before you plaster cast parts of their body.



Space City. A replica of a Sixties school project.



A video installation.