Good job we didn't have to rely on people like you during the war:
"Could you go and defend us from the Nazi war machine?"
"No, sorry, I'm too busy downloading i-Pods onto my megaDrive."
Fat lot of good that would have done.
So, I'm now releasing my collection of clockwork mice for Information Only - I won't embarrass you by asking if you could do better.
I first began collecting clockwork mice in the Nineties after getting a tip-off from an anonymous source that they would soon become scarce.
It was sound advice; in the closing years of the last century it became impossible to buy a clockwork mouse for love or money. Of course, you could go to London and pay hyper-inflated prices down some seedy back street. But for the ordinary working man, clockwork mice were now a thing of the past.
Why did it happen? Some say it was the fault of the Vibrating Hamster invading the mouse habitats. But surely there's enough room for both of them to live together?
A more sinister theory is that the Chinese goverment closed down many of its mouse factories because they suspected them of being infiltrated by the Falun Gong religious cult. Rumour has it that Falun Gong were planning to seize control of the factories and create their own giant clockwork mouse to wreak havoc on the Beijing government.
In 1989 one man with a carrier bag stood alone in front of the tanks in Tiananmen Square. How different history might have been if he'd had a giant clockwork mouse to back him up.
Note: This posting has been censored by Google. Not available in the Chinese Republic
4 comments:
After reading this I was in stitches - because I lost the will to live and started slashing my wrists.
I split my sides while reading this posting. But that was only because I suffer from a rare side-splitting disease, not because of anything I'd read.
I laughed out loud while reading this site, but only because I was thinking of my datardly plan for world domintation.
the hamster looks like a Golden Clockwork Hamster (Mesocricetus auratus vibratus) a stoutly built burrower from eastern Europe and the Middle east, the soft-furred, nocturnal hamster feeds on fruit, vegetables and grain. It stores food in its large cheek pouches for eating at leisure. Because of its clockwork nature and constant need to be wound up the means this hamster has developed a symbiotic relationship with the Olden or Irritating Hamster (Mesocricetus nervongetus) which feeds on tantrums and headbutts.
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