I've got loads of pairs of scissors. I'm not boasting, I just have. I didn't set out in life to amass a huge scissors collection. I wasn't one of those children who went around dreaming of scissors all the time. No, it just happened.
You know how it is, you do a favour for someone, they reward you with scissors; you win a prize on Spot the Ball - a dozen pairs of scissors. Do you say no? Of course you don't. Scissors are always handy.
So before I knew it I had a substantial scissors collection.
In fact, I reckon I've got more pairs of scissors than anybody else on the Internet, and to prove it I am issuing the "Internet Scissors Challenge".
Anybody who thinks they can out-scissor me is invited to come and try their luck at 5:30 am on Durdham Down, Bristol (by the water tower) on Sunday 6th August.
Entry is free and is open to nearly anyone(see conditions).
Rules and Conditions
1.People who own scissor factories and/or scissor superstores are not allowed to enter.
2.No employees of sb4444 (International) Inc. or any of its subsidiaries, sub-contractors, PR agencies, nor anybody else employed in a freelance and/or part-time capacity is allowed to enter
3.Each contestant shall be responsible for the transportation of his/her own scissor collection and their removal from the site.
4. The winner (hereinafter referred to as "me") shall be the person declared by the panel of judges to own the most pairs of scissors.
5. The panel of judges will be decided upon by mutual agreement, but will consist of not less than five person of reputable stature, including at least one person who has been trained in scissor counting.
Suitable persons for the judging panel would include doctors, magistrates, police officers(above the rank of constable), medium or high grade civil servants and members of the clergy. Defrocked clergy might be considered under certain circumstances.
6. No scissors made of plastic, paper or stone will be allowed.
7. No magnets allowed on site
8. Random drug testing could take place and any contestant found with traces with steroids will be banned from this and all future contests.
9. No guns or explosives allowed on the site.
10. Please switch all mobile phones off during the contest.
So, there you are. Is anybody prepared to take up this challenge?
Come and put your scissors where your mouth is, and may the best man/woman/person of unspecified gender win.
4 comments:
A day later and still no takers!
You should have tried to hustle them. Made it appear like you only had a pair of rusty nail scissors at the back of the bathroom cabinet. But instead you set out your stall much too early and now nobody wants to play:-(
You're right, I've much to learn about scissor owning contests.
Hey, what's all that on your site with that Chematuco geezer? It seems like a heated debate and now it's gone Spanish. Not being up on South American politics, I don't really know what they're on about.
You can reveal it here, I'm sure this is out of bounds to them.
Oh,no. I've just spent the night on an online Scissors, Paper, Stone website and I've lost everything. I'm ruined.
That Spanish comment was basically "you misunderstood me... blah blah... what I was saying really was... blah" and then he goes on to say some more stuff which doesn't make any kind of coherent point, and thus lays himself open to misinterpretation again...
Post a Comment