If all you've ever read about whelks has been in the biased UK media, then you probably think that they're rather dowdy creatures, associated with down-market seaside resorts and cockney whelk stalls.
Whelks are never shown in a positive light. You won't see whelks on the covers of fashion magazines, for example.
I'm sure the fashion editors have their reasons, I'm not suggesting anything sinister is going on, but the end result is that whelks are often left with a poor self-image.
I would like to set the record straight and say that whelks are beautiful creatures.
Above is a picture of Busycon candelabrum, the Splendid Whelk.
True, they don't live in UK waters but our native whelks are also a joy to behold. It's just that I can't be bothered to find a picture.
Whelks are not dangerous to humans and are easy to get along with.
Just remember that Cockneys eat a lot of whelks and are not popular in the Whelk Community. So keep to these simple rules -
1. If you are serenading whelks, avoid songs like "Knees up, Mother Brown" or anything by Chas and Dave.
2. If you are talking to whelks about TV soap operas*, don't mention Eastenders.
3. Don't wear a suit with lots of pearl buttons sewn on it.
4. Don't talk in rhyming slang.
Just follow those basics and you won't go wrong!
* you really shouldn't be. People will think you're a bit funny.
1 comment:
I forgot to say that Wednesday October 25th is International Listen to Whelks Day with event taking place at a global and local level.
(Mention this blog for a 10% discount on Whelk costume hire at Moss Bros)
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