Morris Dancing

Hey nonny nonny-o, Oi loves to go ablogging-o, Oi loves to go ablogging-o upon the Inturrrnet.

Morris dancing is a form of traditional English dance that's been practised in rural areas from at least the Tudor times(1500s)when they were very big on it.

These days, however, Morris dancers are generally held in contempt by the wider population. There are some cruel but funny jokes about Morris dancers, such as -

Q.Why don't you get Jewish Morris dancers?

A. Because it takes a complete prick to be a Morris dancer.

and

"I'll try anything once except incest and Morris dancing"


Yup, on a Cool Scale of one to ten Morris dancing is about minus twenty.
Morris dancers are generally seen as middle-management/accountant types pretending to be authentic country dwellers, and I'm sure there's a bit of truth in that.


But, while stressing that neither I nor any of my friends or family have not never no way ever indulged in Morris dancing, I would like to say a few words in their praise.

I first encountered Morris dancers years ago when I used to go to a folk club at a pub called The Globe in Newbury. The folk club was upstairs, while the ground floor was the preserve of a motorbike gang called the Berkshire Eagles.

One week the guests at the club were Bampton Morris. I've since seen a picture of Bampton Morris taken in about 1900. Obviously they weren't the same guys, but there was probably an unbroken tradition going back a long way.

These geezers did look fairly authentic. They certainly looked more like farm workers than accountants and they drank and drank and drank.

By the end of the evening they were quite sozzled and they finished off with a rousing dance that involved them forming a circle, dancing round and then all stamping in the middle.
Well, a jolly time was had by all, but when we left and went downstairs we found that the ceiling below had collapsed on the bikers. One guy had been taking a shot on the pool table at the time and the fluorescent light and its tin surround had fallen on his head.
Luckily, no one was injured or electrocuted and everyone seemed to regard it as a big joke, even the pub landlord.

So the Berkshire Eagles were accidently humiliated by Morris dancers, but worse was to follow.

A while later they came to the attention of the Windsor Hell's Angels, a seriously mean bunch who tolerated no other biker gangs in their area. They descended on The Globe one night and severely trounced the poor Berkshire Eagles. A great hullaballoo ensued with the police chasing the Hell's Angels down the M4. The result was one police car written off and the bikers getting away to fight another day. I bet they're still bragging about that night in Valhalla.

I never heard of the Berkshire Eagles again, perhaps they disbanded or changed their name to the Berkshire Chaffinches.
I'd like to report that the Hell's Angels and Bampton Morris got together and formed a coalition, but sadly that wasn't the case and, even to this day, Hell's Angels are significantly under-represented at Morris dancing events.

And the moral of this story is. . . well, it hasn't really got a moral, it's just a story.