This morning the local TV company phoned me and asked if I was the man that nothing happened to. When I told them I was they asked to come round and interview me for a piece on Points West.
Great, I thought, fame at last.
No doubt you can guess what happened next...
I managed to survive the earthquake and being hit on the head by a meteorite when I ran out into the street. What disturbed me more was the alien abduction and turning into a giant beetle. Plus I've contracted bird flu and, for reasons I won't go into, I'm now living in Miami on the Witness Protection Program.
On the plus side I did score a goal in the World Cup.
God,I dunno. You couldn't make it up, could you?
Well, maybe you could.
Anyway, the TV people were very sweet, but they did want a story on someone nothing happened to and I just didn't fit the bill any more.
However, they told me to get in touch immediately if nothing started to happen to me again.
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